Animal Kingdom's Fully Closed — Don't Make the Trip

Garsh, folks — this one's a big one. Animal Kingdom's the only park at zero percent health right now, and I don't like to break bad news, but the entire park is in refurbishment. Na'vi River Journey, Kilimanjaro Safaris, Kali River Rapids, Expedition Everest, and Zootopia are all shut down — that's basically the whole show, folks. Wildlife Express Train's closed too, so getting around's a pain. Don't waste a park day here — there's genuinely nothing to do until it reopens. Instead, pack your bags over to Magic Kingdom or EPCOT where headliners are runnin' and the Halloween decor's fresh. If you're near the Animal Kingdom area, grab a resort vinyl decal instead — the new Disney World resort stickers are just $5.99 each, or three for $15. Even ol' Goofy wouldn't send you to a park with no rides. A-hyuck, pick a better day for AK!